Mango and Raspberry

JUNE 9

         I was riding high. I had tried pineapple – loved it. Apricot – couldn’t get enough. There were two more fruits in the apartment that I had never eaten before and they happened to be the two sorbet flavors that I had sampled earlier in the month and enjoyed: mango and raspberry. How could this go on? Little did I know I was headed for a calamity. As they say, pride goeth before a fall.

         I called my manservant to attend upon me.

         “Dad,” I said. “Bring me some mango and raspberry. And make it quick. I don’t want to change my mind about this.”

         Such decisions can’t be unmade.

         Soon, the dish was before me. Mango and raspberry laid out – one next to the other. I had liked pineapple. I had liked apricot. I had liked blackberry tolerably too. This should have been just an ordinary fruit acquisition.

         But something went wrong.

Pride in the process of goingeth before a fall

         I shoulda known the minute I tasted the juicy mango, fat and well-fed: it wasn’t my style. We picky eaters, we have a style. And this wasn’t cutting it. But I was naïve. I couldn’t see the pathway forward. I couldn’t see where all this was heading.

         It was tart. It was kind of melon-like, kind of pineapple-like. But something wasn’t right. The texture, the taste, it just didn’t add up.

         Suddenly it hit me and it all made sense: I didn’t like mango.

         Reeling from this revelation, I dove into the raspberry. We all need some consolation.

         I couldn’t get no satisfaction.

         What’s the difference between blackberry and raspberry? (Besides the number of letters.) They are different colors. (Besides that.) They taste different. (Besides that.) One is an accessory and one is an accessory aggregate fruit. (Wait, go back one.) They taste different.

         Blackberries taste ok. Raspberries taste not ok. In fact, they are unacceptable. I do not like them.

         It was a rough evening. (For you and me both!) (Go away.) (Who do you think you are bossing me around?) (Get outta my head.) (How do you know you’re not the one in my head?) (Aw, put a sock in it.) (You put a sock in it.) (No, you put a sock in it.) ( ) (Hello?) ( ) (Are you there?) ( ) (Mmmfff.) (Oh, you actually put a sock in it.)

          And thus concluded my evening of new foods gone bad. Two fruits I just could not bring myself to cherish.